freebies

ME: so, have you printed out your coupons for free chicken yet?
SIL: yep, will probably use one this weekend if they haven't run out.
ME: KFC won't accept them on sunday, but el pollo loco will. i heard on the radio this morning.
SIL: awesome. but do i really want fried chicken on mother's day???
ME: grilled, not fried.
SIL: did you ever send the link to mr. X? you know how much he enjoys freebies.
ME: the last thing i want is for my ex-husband to accuse me of another totally absurd crime, like causing him to get the swine flu from eating free KFC or something.
SIL: yeah, like how he accused you of egging his car? as if you were clever enough or had enough balls to do something like that?!
ME: hey, i resent that!
SIL: well, if you were truly clever or had balls, you might still be married.
ME: are you saying that my marriage failed on account of my lack of brilliance and male gonads?
SIL: yours AND his.
ME: i'll have you know that according to kevin bacon, my marriage failed due to the lack of clean fights and dirty sex.
SIL: if that were truly the ties that bind, NOBODY would be married.
ME: you don't believe that kevin bacon and his wife keep their fights clean and the sex dirty?
SIL: oh sweetie, you've really redeemed too many of those coupons for naivete, haven't you?!